Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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