Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
