It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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