he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
