It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
