i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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