Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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