Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
