Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize