Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
