Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
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five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
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We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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