Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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