Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
