My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
