Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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