anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
