So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
