You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
