We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
