this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
