Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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