Buhtt sex?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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