Plan B is the new Plan A
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
