That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
