Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
