we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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