this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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