Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
