my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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