you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
