Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
