I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
