Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
