I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
