Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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