You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
