Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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