That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
