She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
