My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize