I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
