YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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