I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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