ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
