there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
