I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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