How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
