HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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