Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
