the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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