Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
