i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
