Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
