yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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