I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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