Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
