Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
