'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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