How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
