They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
