who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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