Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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