Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
