If i come over, it means nothing
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
