marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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