So drunk its hurt
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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