anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
