The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize