fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
