don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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