Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
