I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
