So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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