I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?