high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.