I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.