I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
