Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.