Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?