i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
