Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
