i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
