it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
