Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
