youre lurking in front of me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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